Dating As Therapy
USE DATING AS THERAPY: Single women, who are seeking a new relationship after a divorce or breakup, really want to have a healthy, romantic relationship that makes us feel special, safe and taken care of.
We certainly DON"T want to attract a man like the one we left or who left us.
And, even tho we can attract men, how do we know they are the right one, and not yet another clown that eventually lets us down? What makes us keep attracting Mr. Wrong?
Because we are smart, we know that in order to find a guy to love us unconditionally and treat us like a queen, we must BELIEVE that we are worth it for ourselves first. And, we also know, we must have our own set of issues and fears that prevent us from allowing in the perfect guy for us.... otherwise we'd HAVE that relationship right now, right?
But, really identifying our relationship issues & fears that are hidden in the “blind spots” of our unconscious minds can be hard to do on our own, and hiring a therapist can take too much time and be too expensive. So what to do?
Use dating as therapy.
Hugh? Dating as therapy? Really?
This is because via the Law of Attraction, we attract who matches what we believe and feel about ourselves…. and when we date, the law of attraction brings us men who reflect our beliefs and fears.
When we can see our issues… live, in action as we date … and get free dinners, drinks and movies at the same time ... we can address them, and take steps to either, discuss them with our man, heal them on our own, or set a boundary around them.
So, our job, as smart women who don’t want ANOTHER unhappy relationship, is to be aware of how we are being treated, good or bad, and how we feel when we are with them, and be able to communicate with him how you FEEL… good or bad and then wait to see what happens.
I dated a guy ... before the dream guy I have now, who after a few months, wanted to move in with me. He said being with me felt like he was home.
We got along well, he treated me well. I liked him enough and enjoyed him as a companion, he seemed to have good morals and values, but, I just did not love him or want a serious relationship with him and so I just kept him as a casual companion, until he finally understood that I was serious about keeping things casual....
We stayed friends, and then about 2 years later called me and said, "Whew, I can live longer than 7 years!!!"
I'm, like, what?
Turns out, he thought his heart was only gonna last him 10 years after a previous heart attack, and so, he had a mission to have a relationship before he died… hence his neediness to jump into relationships … he was so desperate, he did not want to take the time to find out if we were a match and be mutually happy together as a loving, romantic couple who can weather good and bad times or not.
He since has dated 3 other women, each of whom moved in together to start a new life as a permanent couple together…. that lasted 2-6 month each…. need I say more?
My attitude was, that because I had been alone for so long, that it wasn’t worth it for me to move fast and jump in, just because a man decided he loved me and wanted a relationship with me.
I REALLY wanted to make sure we were a fit, so I kept dating light, made sure I was not doing ALL the work in the relationship (I leaned back and claimed my feminine power), spoke up about concerns as they came up using feeling statements and waited to see how we did.
That's part of how to use dating as therapy...
For me, I wanted to go through a few rough times together to see how he handled the curves life throws us… especially because I had been so used to attracting guys that were either unavailable (married), used me, treated me poorly, or wanted me to take care of them.
Looking at our dating relationship as therapy, I saw how his neediness reflected back to me my OWN needinessfor a relationship as well, and so did the work to clear myself of my needy desperation for a relationship.
He so effectively mirrored the neediness in me I would never of thought I had ... I could not see for myself how need I really was. That's how FREE THERAPY works ... with lots of fun free dinners, movies and trips. ...yea!
There’s more to using dating as therapy than I’ve shared with you here.
I’d love to put together a short inexpensive program as a way to share the rest of how to use dating as therapy, but want to find out if there is a demand for it first, so, please comment below this post if that is something you’d be interested in or not.
I also want to share with you this list of guidelines, I used for myself, that you can use as a filter to weed out the men who won’t be able to be your dream guy, and how to know when you have found him.
GUIDELINES OF A HAPPY RELATIONSHIP:
- How do you FEEL when you are with him?
- Are you able to BE totally yourself and vulnerable around him and still feel save and loved? (HINT: show him what you are most ashamed of BEFORE commitment and see how he responds.
- Can You communicate honestly with each other in respectful ways?
- Do you want the same things ... are you going in the same direction?
- Are you leaning back and letting him do most of the work in the relationship?
If this missive has peaked your interest and you want more, feel free to grab your copy of “Lean Back and Claim Your Feminine Power” which outlines how to use your NATURAL feminine power to get your man, or the one you want to attract to treat you like a queen and deepen the passion between you. It’s only $17.. and so worth it! Grab your copy here